Babypalooza!

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You may have noticed that I have been MIA on le blog.  It’s been for good reason.  A lot has been going on in the J and M household.  And to be honest I couldn’t write about it  Maybe I shouldn’t say couldn’t, as much as, didn’t want to. 

I didn’t know where to start and I didn’t know what I wanted to put it in a public forum.  I have done everything possible over the past 7 years to make this blog as private as possible aside from requiring a sign-in. 

In April of 2012, J and I kicked our butts in gear and decided to get on the baby bandwagon.  We had been discussing it at length for a while and decided it was time to start “trying.”  Or as J called it, “we pulled the goalie.”  We didn’t talk about it to anyone and I made him swear to complete and utter silence about it.  I didn’t want anyone to know because I didn’t want the pressure.  I didn’t want the constant questions or the questioning looks or feeling like I was on baby-watch. 

Of course, after making him swear to the ends of the Earth that he would not tell a soul, I was the one who lost it.  We had been trying for 6 months and I was starting to lose my mind. 

For a little background, I’m adopted.  My sister is also adopted.  I grew up with the intimate knowledge that some people can’t have kids.  It’s not in their biological cards.  Adoption has always been a huge part of my life, my existence and my being.  My sister and I volunteered as kids with an adoption service that my parents worked with.  We went to meetings and talked to parents looking to adopt about our experience, our thoughts, how we were told, etc. etc. etc.  My parents volunteered their time going through parent files and doing home interviews.   Adoption was and is an intimate part of my life. 

So after 6 months of trying (and seeing numerous friends get prego first try), I started to lose it.  I know stress is a major cause of fertility issues so I didn’t take my freak out to J.  More because I didn’t want him to get all stressed and then have both of us be big ol’ stress-cases. 

One day, I was skyping with a dear friend “across the pond” and she asked me…  Now most of my friends who had been asking were back in Oklahoma… so coming up with some silly answer like “oh, ya know… one day eventually” was easy over the phone.  But face-to-Skype-face was different.  I suddenly couldn’t talk.  I had no answer.  I just started crying.  She was all the way in England and I just cried.  She was pregnant at the time with her beautiful little boy, so I held back a little.  I didn’t want to put that burden on her of being the “shoulder” even though I was already crying.  She told me my stress worries were dumb and that J had the right to know how I was feeling about it.  She was right. 

J and I went to see the medicine man that married us and I let it ALL go.  I cried and cried and ugly-girl cried some more.  I expressed my fear of creating some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy about adoption and I let J know just how totally freaked out I was.  My English lady was right.  It was the best thing I could have done.  J wasn’t freaked out like I was.  He had total faith and hope in us and the plan God has for our lives. 

Needless to say, he spent the next several months reassuring me and dealing with my female freak-outs.   Without his support and patience, I would have been an even crazier mess.  He convinced me that I needed a female to talk to.  As a husband, he was giving me the utmost support, but he pointed out it would probably be helpful to talk with someone that would understand the female side of my freakout. 

Enter Whit.  Whit is a mother of 4 beautiful kids.  Most recently she had twins through an amazing homebirth experience.  She is a SuperMom in every aspect of the word.  The first night I met Whit was while visiting with our Medicine Man.  She knew about all my adoption stuff and it was refreshing to talk to a female who knows me.  She knows what insecurities I have and where I stand on life choices.  She texted with me through every test and each week of freakout.  She is really big on nutrition and knowing where your food comes from.  Through all her nutrition research and homebirth experience, she had all this knowledge just ready to go.  Having that female perspective was refreshing and needed. 

Fast forward 6 months and I started tests at the doctor to figure out “the issue” … Basically I started doing lots and lots of blood work.  Low and behold, to make a long story as short as possible, it came back a little unexpected….   

Baby P - debuting Christmas day! 

 

To say we are thrilled is an understatement!

We met my parents at DisneyWorld when I was just about 9 weeks along.  I only see them a couple times a year so the fact that we got to tell them in person was more amazing than I ever expected! 

We waited until we found out the sex to go public and it is a boy!!  We both knew it was a boy though.  I always thought that was silly.  How do you know that it’s one sex or the other.  But we knew.  Even before we conceived, I just had a feeling that our first child would be a boy.  When we went to the ultrasound, there was no doubt in our minds. 

Fast forward to today and I am a couple days from 30 weeks.  I wanted to do weekly updates but when it came to write them, I decided against it.  I just didn’t feel like sharing every detail with the world.  I share the details with J and close friends that I talk to regularly, but the idea of sharing it with everyone wasn’t what I wanted.  So … here is my official first update:

29 Weeks

Total Weight Gain: I lost 3 lbs the first trimester so I’m up 15 lbs from then or 12 lbs from my pre-prego weight. 

Maternity Clothes: jeans!  I love my prego jeans.  Baby P has always sat really low so I wasn’t able to button my regular jeans pretty quickly just because it hurt.  I still wear them occasionally with a little belly band but they just aren’t as comfortable as my Prego-Jeans! I also had to buy maternity work pants and some shirts that go down low enough to cover the tops of them. 

Gender: Boy :)

Movement: So active!  I started feeling him around 14 weeks and he has been super active ever since!  The ultrasound techs always comment about how much he is moving around.  It's been crazy for me over the last few weeks to watch my stomach move.  Sometimes it looks like he's having a dance party in there!  We’ve got an active baby on our hands!
 
Sleep: Questionable.  I had a terrible time sleeping until a friend gave me a giant prego pillow.  It’s amazing!  Now I sleep until I get up to pee in the middle of the night and tend to stay up for an hour or so until I can fall back asleep.

What I Miss: Beer.  Oh sweet, delicious beer!  How I miss thee!

What I'm Looking Forward To: My baby showers!  My mom is flying into town to attend.  Only the second time I have seen her since Baby P came on board :)  .... AND I'm excited about actually starting on the nursery. (That’s a whole post in itself!)

Cravings: Ice Cream, Root Beer, Potatoes, Eggs

Aversions: First trimester – the smell of browning meat made me so nauseous!  Gross.  Now, I have none.

Other Crazy Symptoms: hearing issues. My ears keep sounding clogged where I echo in my head.  It is extremely annoying (especially with all of my presentations).  I travel A LOT for work so I also have been loving my chiropractic appointments.  After trucking through the airport, I always tend to have some intense sciatic/pelvic pain so my chiro is the only way I feel better.

Daddy Update: Busy!  He has been working crazy hard trying to get the new studio up and running before Baby P shows up.  It is beautiful! ...  and the grand opening is this weekend!  Other than that, he has been hard at work trying to get our basement finished so we can move my office downstairs and start on the nursery.  I think we are both over the idea of construction!  Home stretch.  

Best Moment so far:  I love when J is able to feel Baby P moving around.  He moves A LOT.  J’s reaction is always hilarious!  He gets so surprised at every kick and squirm.  I love it.

I can't believe we are on the home stretch!  Crazy!  I purchased his newborn photo outfit over the weekend... Super fun!  And we scheduled our BabyMoon.  Everything is coming along slowly but surely!  Can't wait to meet our little guy :)

"Dear God, I thank You for the gift of this child to raise, this life to share, this mind to help mold, this body to nurture, and this spirit to enrich. Let me never betray this child’s trust, dampen this child’s hope, or discourage this child’s dreams. Help me to help this precious child become all you mean him to be. Let your grace and love fall on him like gentle breezes and give him inner strength and peace and patience for the journey ahead."

Identity Capital

Thirty.  The decade of discovery is coming to an end and the decade of adulthood is right around the corner.  At least, that’s how I feel.  In less than a month I will be the BIG 3-0. 

30.  Wrapping my head around 30 has been tough.  The twenties have been a decade of learning, growing, changing, screwing up, screwing around, and living life with the idea that… well … I still have time. 

Time to make the wrong decisions.  Time to discover myself.  Time to chase silly dreams.  Time to explore life. 

I saw this TED talk by Dr. Meg Jay called “Why 30 is not the new 20” … and it hit me hard.  You can watch it here:   http://www.ted.com/talks/meg_jay_why_30_is_not_the_new_20.html

I HIGHLY recommend you watch it.  I wish this TED Talk would have been a staple of my 20^th birthday.  Like your driver’s test at 16.  You’re 20?!  Watch this NOW!

Several things she said hit me on a level that I can’t explain.  She vocalized things that I didn’t know how to express.  The 20s – a decade to prepare your life for your future. 

30 always seemed REAL.  Real as in, set.  I thought by the time I was 30 I would be solid in the foundation of the rest of my future.   I would ideally be a younger version of my parents.  I’d have the dream house, the car, the set in stone career, the family of my own. 

I don’t think I ever considered that my parents had numerous houses that came one at a time, spread over 40 years of marriage and each one was their “dream” at the time they bought it.  The standard I set for my 30s was about 25 years too early but I was somehow right on track with my stepping stones.  Our house is small and old, but it is exactly what we sought out when we started looking.  I no longer have that red convertible, but I have the exact middle-income economy car I set my mind to.   They aren’t my “dreams” items but they are what I “dreamt.”

The twenties are a time to discover yourself… but that means discovering yourself  while creating an identity.  Twenties isn’t a time to just throw away all responsibility, it’s a time to create Identity Capital. 

A couple parts of the talk were perfectly stated expressions of two major points of my twenties: Finding a Partner and Exploration. 

In college I had a boyfriend that was perfect… perfect for college that is.  He was the Rush Chair for his fraternity, then the Social Chair for his fraternity and then the fraternity President.  Basically his job was planning the best parties and making sure that everyone had plenty of fun.  He was perfect for that scenario.  We talked about marriage because, well, that was the next step.  You graduate college, get married, start Career, have babies, retire. 

What a plan that was.  Seems so dumb now that marriage was more of a stepping stone.  He was the worst partner I could have chosen for my life.  But at 21, surrounded by sorority sisters where my biggest decision was what Date Party gift I should make…. I didn’t have a clue. 

When my husband and I started dating, we started couples counseling.  Growing up in the “south” the idea of counseling was a sign of weakness.   A sign that something was wrong.  With my husband, that wasn’t the case.  It was a sign that you wanted to grow.  And that you wanted to make sure that growth was in a positive, loving direction.  We went through more counseling before we got married then after.  And it was the best decision we could have ever made.  It gave us the tools to deal with life as a couple.  As partners.  Together.  We talk all the time, how we would never be where we are today if we didn’t go through all the counseling we’ve done (and still sporadically do)over the past 7 years.  

The second part of her talk that really struck me was Exploration.  She discusses the negatives of huddling together with the same group of people.  Not investing in outsiders is not investing in yourself.  Or your identity.   Take chances and reach outside your comfort zone. 

In college, I huddled around my comfort zone of female friends.   At my university, the Greek system was HUGE.  As in, EVERYTHING.  Or so I was told.  I clung to my small group of about 10 sorority sisters.  I regret that decision ALL the time.  I should have branched out.  But I was scared.  I was thriving in my little comfort zone bubble.  I should have branched out to the other 83 girls living in my sorority house with me…  or heck,  the other 200 or so girls in my sorority in general.  I especially should have branched out to other people on campus.  I should have.  But I didn’t.  I don’t have much to show for that time of my life socially.  The girls I thought were lifelong friends never answer my calls.  When I moved out of state, only two of those girls stayed in touch.  And although we just keep in touch through our blogs, facebook, and instagram, I care about them and their journey in life… and am so thankful that they care about mine.  The rest stayed where they always were… as “activity friends”… I just didn’t see it then. 

I realized that the majority of friends I made in college that were caring and supportive friends AFTER graduation were males.  They cared about my journey and life and vice versa.  But as we all found our partners in life, those friendships went by the wayside.  Which I think was necessary and predictable. 

I regret not using the college atmosphere to grow more in my identity.  I should have done that study abroad program.  I should have joined the club I was scared to join.  I should have spent more time outside of class learning from the professors I valued.  I should have taken advantage of having 26,000 peers at my fingertips.  They always say hindsight is 20/20. 

I at least feel like I made up for that after graduating.  I moved out of state a year later which was a whole new form of identity exploration.  I lived a year in Utah, a year in Vegas, and then came back to Utah.  I met so many people and made so many friends.  But these friends were on a whole different level.  They were meeting mid-20s me… not fresh-out-of-high-school-time-to-drink-a-beer-me.  Living in 2 states where I had no background was difficult.   I didn’t run into childhood friends at the grocery story.  I didn’t have that “I know so-and-so” moment.  I didn’t have my high school friends I could call when I needed a ride from the airport or wanted to grab lunch.  I didn’t have my family when I needed a hug.  I was just me.  By myself.  Making a new identity and growing into who I am today. 

It was rough.  It was exciting.  It was new. 

It changed my perspective on all sort of beliefs.  Changed my political affiliation.  Strengthened my faith.  Created new passions.  Solidified my identity.   And it was worth every second. 

As I enter my 30s, there are things I wish I could change.  Things I wish I would have explored or taken advantage of.  But with those comes the lesson to always continue to grow.  To live outside your comfort zone.   To adapt, to change, to explore, to have fun, to love, and to cherish every day we are given. 

So here’s to you, Thirty.  Let’s get this decade started.  We have a whole new journey ahead and I can’t wait to get started!

PescaVeganBeef-atarian

Next Tuesday, March 26th, marks 2 years of being Pescatarian minus all dairy/egg.  TWO YEARS!  Wow.  Time flies. 

It has been an eye-opening couple of years to say the least.  I never imagined how much my life would change.  Two years ago I had come to my wits end.  My body was fighting me at every turn and I was at my limit. 

Constant stomach pain.  Vomiting.  Bloating.  Tests.  Doctors.  Homeopathy.  Pills. Etc. etc. etc.  

Nothing helped.  So I took drastic measures and cut out all dairy, eggs and meat cold-turkey.  I kept fish in my diet knowing I would need some animal product to get more nutrients.  It was a ROUGH transition going from Cheese Addict to Almond Milk connoisseur.  But I did it.  And I loved it. 

The changes I felt were immediate.  And amazing. 

I have had involuntary vomiting issues since infancy.  Over the course of my life,  I went from throwing up once every week and a half to several times per day.  It was terrible and a defining factor in my life.  I hid it from everyone but my family and J.  There is a stigma to females and throwing up... and being a gymnast, I was all too familiar with eating disorders.  At 18, I was accused by a teacher of having an eating disorder.  It resulted in my mom storming into the principal's office and telling him and that teacher to screw themselves.... in polite momma terms of course.  Thanks Mom!

The older I got, the less violent the throwing up was which meant it was easier to hide.  My body would just reject the food.  I could go to the bathroom as soon as I knew it was coming and it would come up quickly and easily.  Then the pain would go away.  But I could feel the leftover issues it was leaving behind.  My teeth were starting to be worn from all the stomach acid.  And I developed GERD.  Stomach acid constantly up and down my throat has created regular and unyielding heartburn.  It is so regular that when I don't have heartburn, I forget that the feeling is supposed to be normal.  Around 12, I just got used to the constant burning in my chest and throat.  And it hasn't changed unfortunately.  BUT...  The past two years I have only thrown up THREE times.  THREE!  Talk about a miracle! 

Now the time has come.... I'm adding Beef back into my diet!  That's right!  Red meat in all its glory.  This has been a long time coming.  At about the year mark, my husband started incorporating local, grass fed, grass finished, hormone free meat back into his meals.  Not often.  But he had some red meat about once every 2 months or so.  I debated adding it in, but with how great I was feeling, I didn't want to jeopardize it.  So I decided I would wait another year or so. 

So after two years of nothing but fish, I am adding red meat to my lifestyle and seeing how it goes.   Don't get me wrong, I won't be eating burgers at cook-outs and scarfing down steaks at restaurants.  UNLESS they are local.  Grass Fed.  Hormone and Drug free. But I would like to eat it sporadically and see how my body takes it. 

... and man, am I pumped!  We have friends who chip in and buy a full cow from a local family farm to split.  J and I are currently researching options since we have a tiny little freezer.

With the addition mentioned above, I am also planning on cutting back on wheat, gluten, processed crap as best as possible.  I want to make my body as healthy as possible and the results I have seen over the past year have floored me.  I improved my quality of life drastically!  No more sneaking off to the gas station or insisting on having my car around at all times just in case the food didn't settle. I even had to run around downtown Salt Lake and puke in a porta-potty once.  Terrible.  

Two Years - What a difference.  And, I dropped 12 lbs... that never hurts either ;) 

I am hoping cutting down on the grains and other processed crap will help with the heartburn and my overall health.  Last time I had blood work done, they were shocked and impressed with how great my results were... I am hoping that after making this transition, they will be even better! 

I will definitely let you know how it goes... for better or for worse.  :)

Archetyping

 So occasionally when I refresh my instagram for the eleventy-millionth time and still have boredom written on the brain, I research random things on the internet.  Today, I came across a website that gives you your archetypes.  

I love this kind of crap! In elementary school, we were required to do this giant personality test.  I remember it being really long and asking really random questions, but in the end they give you what careers best fit your personality.  My careers were teacher, athletic coach, writer and marine biologist.  You better believe I was thrilled!  Little Meg was sure that she was going to work full time with manatees, be a famous author and coach gymnastics on the weekend. 

Sweet! 

Over the years, I seem to get pretty much the same result every time I take a personality test.  So when I saw this Archetype website, I was hooked.  You start by choosing whether you identify yourself as female or male.  Then it asks you a series of questions where you can choose up to 3 answers.  I chose 3 for pretty much every question. 

Here's my result: 

I'm not going to lie, I was pretty shocked.  Athletic?!  Seriously?  I was a gymnast for 14 years... so yes, the athletic nature is still ingrained within my being.  But other than some cheerleading, dance and diving sprinkled through the years... I really have been almost anti-athletic for the last 10 years.  I have written about it here... but basically, I was burned out on all things sport related.  I have started to appreciate it more recently but I still feel FAR from athletic.   

The other major thing that struck me is one category where I always score high.... but this time, it wasn't listed in my top 3.  Spirituality.  

Sad.   I feel that my spirituality is an important and integral part of my entire being.  Where was it?!  Sure, it's just a silly quiz but it still hit me hard to know that it wasn't an identifier.  
 

I used to be very vocal about my beliefs as a kid but around 15, I decided I wanted more.  I set out on researching EVERYTHING.  My favorite classes in college were my religion and sociology classes and I enjoyed gaining some knowledge and understanding of the various beliefs in the world.   


When I moved to Utah, J and I started following the Red Path.  A form of native american healing and spirituality.  I don't really want to talk about it because I feel it would diminish the reverence I hold for everything it has done in my life. The Red Path brought new understanding and respect to the God that I knew and the fundamentals of my faith.  


Over the last 6 years of following the Red Path, I feel I have finally found my footing with my spirituality.   My spirituality has developed into something that I follow and believe for me.  Not just because it was what I was taught or what I am comfortable with.  I hold to it because it is part of my identity.  I have much to improve on, but it is a daily guide and reminder to me to live my life in a certain way.  Through all this change and understanding, I also have found that my beliefs have become very internalized.  Very personal.  And the foundation of my authentic self.     


I still believe in the God of my parents and childhood but in such a greater way then I ever imagined.  J and I watch all of the sermons from my Oklahoma church online and then sit and discuss the topics after and how to apply them to our lives.  It's the first time since childhood that church has mattered to me.  It shocks me that this wasn't identified in this silly survey.  But I guess it shows how much growing I still have to do.  


Well although, the whole Marine Biology thing never really worked out... I still hope to publish at least one book in my life :) We'll see how that turns out. 

HBD to my #1 Squeeze - the big 33

I am way behind on blogging because I pretty much work all the time.  But I wanted to take the time to recap my husband's birthday.  I always recap his birthdays and this year we realized just how special that is.

So... those of you who read my blog know that my husband is a musician and owns his own business - a recording studio.  He is the best engineer and producer this side of the Mississippi.  ;)  With his passion and his livelihood focused on music, he is always talking about new gear he wants for his band or his studio.  I pay attention and then try to get him one of the items each year for his bday.  The past while, he has repeatedly looked for and talked about a Rhodes keyboard.


Me, being the ever prepared wife (laugh it up), started looking for a Rhodes back in October.  I knew they were expensive so finding one even close to my budget would take a while.  Well... a few days later, I found the motherload in a Craigslist ad from Vegas.  I talked with the seller and knew I could not pass up such a deal!  I sent the ad to his bandmate and also to a friend in California who has a Rhodes in his studio.

They signed off on its awesomeness and I let J know that he needed to clear out 24 hours.  He had no idea what was going on but he agreed to clear his schedule.  So we hopped in my car and drove the 5 1/2 hours to Vegas, picked it up and drove back to Salt Lake.

The Rhodes was beautiful, in great shape, and a super amazing deal!  Sure it was 4 months before his birthday but hey, a deal is a deal.

He was SHOCKED and THRILLED!  

So when his actual birthday rolled around, J had already decided he wanted it to be low key.  He had toured in England in December and recorded for over a week in the mountains in January.... so low key and personal was on the plate.  Ben Folds Five was playing a reunion show in Vegas the week before his birthday... so of course we had to go!

crazy hair

His actual birthday started off with a nice home-cooked breakfast.   Since I gave up dairy and eggs 2 years ago, I don't ever cook fancy breakfasts.  For his bday, I surprised him with an egg and bacon breakfast sandwich...

I am a birthday fanatic (it's a problem), so I also made sure he still had a present to open... an album by the Cure ...

We then followed our birthday tradition of Benihana and the Red Door.  Dinner was exceptional and tasty like always.

And of course the Red Door is always a win-win situation... they seriously have the best martinis in Utah.  While at the Red Door, we talked a lot about the future and where we are today.   We also started reminiscing about past birthdays.  For the life of us, we could not remember which year was which.  Enter my handy-dandy blog.  We read through my recaps of his past birthdays with the who, what and where.  It was amazing and such a good way to spend the evening.  We both felt very blessed to be surrounded by amazing, loving family and friends.

So Happy Birthday J!  You are always my favorite celebration! :) 

2012 - a year in review

2012.  I have a hard time wrapping my head around 2013.  8 days in and I am still writing the wrong year on everything.

2012 was nothing like I expected.  It was more and less at the same time.  Not in a bad way.  Just in an honest way.  To be honest, I had a fantastic year.  It was so much more than I expected and honestly was wrapped up in a tight little bow.  But it was an insightful year.  

I started 2012 being thrown for a loop.  I got really sick New Years Eve with a nasty respiratory thing (thanks to being allergic to some cute little pugs I saw at a New Years Eve party).  It lasted over 3 weeks.... needless to say 2012 didn't start with a bang. 

I spent months worrying about a family cruise we were leaving on in April due to my fear of boats.  It would be a lie if I didn't say that I spent months of anxiety praying that it would all be okay.  When we boarded the boat, I had an overwhelming sense of calm.  I realized that with all my family on the same boat... I was okay.  If something happened, I was with my family and my husband.  I was exactly where I wanted to be. 

It ended up being a fantastic trip and I couldn't have asked for a better opportunity to hang out with my family.  I don't get to see them very often.  Especially my cousins, aunt and uncle.  But spending a week with them in the middle of the ocean... with no cellphones... no facebook.... no jobs ... it was pure bliss at its highest level.  

2012 was the year I realized that Utah is now my home.  Sure I will always be an Oklahoma girl... Sooner born and Sooner bred .... but it was the first year where I knew my place is in Utah.  And the first year that I am truly okay with that. I will always miss my family and wish I could be just down the street from them.  That I could run over for dinner.  That I could take my niece and nephew for a "fun Aunt Meg day" ... that I could just be there.  More.  Often.  Always.  But Utah is my home. 


2012 reminded me of the difference between "acquaintance" and "friend" ... It truly is amazing what time will do for friendships.  I am thankful for the opportunity to reconnect with some of the women that have meant the most to me over my life.  We were able to reestablish solid friendships on a foundation of nothing more than love and understanding.  I am so grateful for these women.  Despite the distance or the lack of communication that has happened over the years, they are truly my lifeline to the journey that got me where I am today.  I am so blessed to call them friends and only hope I am as good to them as they are to me.  


2012 showed me the importance of only filling the buckets that need filling.  I saw this quote and I felt it was a slap across the face:

 ...  Mainly because it made me cry.   I have enjoyed watching some of the friendships I have in Utah blossom into endearing supportive relationships.  I realized that I was putting a lot of energy into the wrong buckets while neglecting the right ones.  I aspire to be the kind of friend that returns the love and care that is worthy of a true friendship.


2012 humbled me in ways I can't describe.  It tested every ounce of my being and my desire to be in control of my life.  I know God has a plan but I think I just always try to help that plan along toward what I think is best  … In every aspect of my life.  I’ve learned that time can’t be controlled.  This past Christmas was the first time I have really absorbed that not every Christmas will be the same.  That the traditions I have held dear aren’t always going to be there.  But that it’s okay.  Traditions are molded with time.   Life is just time in review. 


And more than anything, 2012 showed me that I picked the right partner for the journey.  The love, support, encouragement, and compassion I have received from J is hard to explain.  I am so honored to be his wife and am beyond thankful and humbled that we were able to share 2012 together. 

2012 tested who I am.  The true core of me.  It reminded me of the importance of friends.  True, honest, raw friends.  It solidified my love and admiration for my family.  It showed me that there is a bigger plan in progress and that I should be humbled and honored to take the journey. 


So here is to 2013.  Here is to turning the big 3-0.   Here is to a new journey, wherever this year takes us.  

I leave you with a song from my husband's new band... mainly because I adore it.  And hey, if you like James Bond... then that's just a bonus ;)