I've come to a point in my life where things that used to be the complicated aspects of life have taken a back burner. It's amazing how much people change from 21 to 23, etc. I've come to a time in my life where I can better relate to my sister who is 27 than I can relate to many of my old friends.
Within the past 2 months or so I came to a realization about my so-called "love life."
I've spent my entire childhood dreaming for a fairytale… for a modern day white knight to come and whisk me off my feet. As I got older and faced reality, I realized that this was an unobtainable goal and a matter for the imagination. So I settled. I settled for the "what if's", the "maybe he will change" and the "he's the best I can get." Basically I settled for being cheated on, being dumped, being emotionally battered and losing myself along the way. I settled for the idea that I SHOULD be in a relationship rather than that I wanted to be. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a relationship girl all the way, but I've finally come to the realization that commitment doesn't mean you have to give up yourself. Many of my friends struggle with this, just as much as I did. They don't want to let go, because the person may "miss them" or "change" or come back and realize they were wrong.
It's weird how life throws curve balls and we're sitting there hoping that at least our bat will make contact. My friends are split right down the middle. Half are newly single, trying to face a world they haven't seen in 2 years or more… the other half are engaged, ring shopping, or married. Out of my entire extended family, I am the only one not married except for a 20-year-old cousin. (You can imagine the number of questions I get about it during the holidays.)
My friends have told me that I've given them hope about break-ups because they've never seen someone deal with a break-up as well as I did with my most recent ex. They ask me how I could just move on and not look back. And how I had the strength to tell him no each time he would ask me on a date or tell me he had made a mistake. Each time they question me about it, I turn around and question them: "Why?"
Why would I want to be with someone that broke my heart and treated me as he did? I gave second chances during the relationship and I'm done giving any more. I shouldn't have to "settle" for someone who couldn't even decide if he wanted to be with me… and when he decided he did, it was too late. I don't want to be with someone who had to "decide" or "think about it." Life is too short to wait on people who "don't know," when someone else wouldn't have a doubt in their mind.
I recently found that I have a response to the infamous question: "Why are you still single?"…. I used to make up excuses or laugh and joke around it… but now, I look them straight in the eye, smile and say, "Because I'm waiting to be swept off my feet." They always smile back and tell me that's the best reason they could have heard.
Truth is: I've returned… I returned to the idea that life is too short to waste your time on an "idea" of someone. I returned to the idea that some people you just can't get enough of because "it's" there naturally. I've returned to the idea that there are people that every time you talk to, you find a bit of yourself. I've returned to the fairytale I held as a little girl. Because when it comes to the rest of your life, why would anyone settle?
… and if all else fails, there's always eHarmony right? :)
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